What! Yes, you read that right. I get excited about losing. It wasn’t always the case. In fact, I used to break rackets left and right. What a disgrace. Such a shame.
I think the fist person that showed me a different perspective was Dave Aspery who told the story of how he puts his kids down to bed and asks them what they failed in today?
To me that was very strange as I remember that when I was a kid my dad really want me to win. The first question from him was did you win. It was like winning was everything.
Then I read Dr Loehr’s sports psychology book The New Toughness Training for Sports: Mental Emotional Physical Conditioning from One of the World’s Premier Sports Psychologists and there was chapter in there that talked about how a player can actually hinder their progress because they have this knack of winning all the time. It got deeper than that. He started talking about how when one player has to win than it’s probably attached to the need to be accepted and loved. Yes, if I win than I will be loved. It hit me then, I just wanted to be loved by my daddy. All I really wanted was to make him proud of the player that I was. But you see, I didn’t realize that my daddy loves me no matter what, he just has a hard time saying those words, “I love you”. We came from Poland, the old country, on a boat! That’s a whole different story and I’ll get to it another day or feel free to ask me about it.
And then I remember the last time I saw my daddy’s daddy. I was visiting Poland with my Dad and sister. I was laying in bed and he came over and sat down next to me. We were talking and then I remembered to this day what he said. I must of been 16 at the time. He said to me “Grzesiu, you’re going to do great things one day.”
Those words stick with me to this day. I don’t want drziadzi to be let down. I must do great things. So how does this relate to tennis. We must remember that the words we say have an impact especially on the ones we love. They stick with us.
So to those dad’s out there that have a hard time telling their kids, I love you, remember this, your boy will want to please you so why don’t you tell him how proud you are of the things that he is accomplishing and let him know that you will love him whether he makes the big leagues or not.
For those of you that have little ones, tell them they will do great things one day. They might actually want to live up to them.
And for those players that want to impress their daddy by winning, remember this… your daddy loves you, he just has a hard time saying it. Why don’t you try first and show him how to do it…
all the best,
P.S. If you’re interested in this journey, I’m leaving a little box below were you can put your email in, this is for convenience. I’ll send you emails whenever it’s the right time. If it’s not your cup of tea, feel free to return to the website on your own. its up to you…